Track 14: "Republic of Toads"
A children's fable? Or a nightmarish political prophecy?
A long time ago when the world was all gooshy
There lived the toad queen named the Evil Queen Lucy
She lived in a palace of silver and gold
She ruled with an iron fist in the Republic of Toads
xx
There were toads waving flags, there were toads upon wheels
There were toads in big business making big business deals
Queen Lucy collected a heavy toad tax
And those who refused they were given the ax
Bridge:
Toads la la la,
Toads la la la,
Toads LA LA LA …
Toads la la la,
Toads la la la,
Toads LA LA LA …
xx
A little toad scout had some bad news to bare
Held spotted strange armies along toad frontiers
Queen Lucy consulted the wisest toad wizards
But all they would say was "Beware of the Lizards"
xx
The hundred year war with the lizards begun
And soon every young toad was soon toting a gun
They fought on so bravely for Lucy their lord
But the tables had turned on the Republic of Toads
xxx
Hoards of lizards soon ransacked the Toad Castle, dear
They discovered Queen Lucy, she'd been dead 50 years
The toads they all scattered but they’re with us still
And their mighty republic they hope to rebuild
(Someday ...)
copyright Sidhe Gorm Music (BMI)
(written 1981)
Let the children sing!
That’s what I did on this song back in the early '80s. My daughter Molly, who would have been two or an early three at the time, can be heard singing "Toads, la la la" in the bridge of this weird fable, along with Chipmunk-altered vocals by Tom Dillon and me, as well as Laura Sauve (Tom’s girlfriend at the time), whose voice was nice enough we didn’t need to chipmunk it up.
"Republic of Toads" is a twisted little children’s story, undoubtedly brought to being by me having a young child around the house.
Using anthropomorphized amphibians for children’s music goes back at least as far as the old folk song "Froggy Went a Courtin’."
Elvis knew:
Why did I chose toads over other animals?
Around the same general period I wrote the song, my friend Pete, a regular at my Sunday night shows at the Forge and the owner of the old Pete’s Pets, gave me a beautiful little critter, a fire-bellied toad, along with a small aquarium.
He looked like this:
I don’t remember if I wrote the song after Pete’s gift, a tribute to my new pet, or if Pete gave it to me because he liked the song, which I played in public many times during the early 80s.
Either way, the song and my real-life toad are intertwined in my memory.
Though "Republic of Toads" was set in a faraway time when "the world was all gooshy," there was a subtle — probably way too subtle — political element behind the fable.
In 1981, there indeed were "toads waving flags." You could see 'em everywhere.
As Charlie Daniels pointed out, it started with the Iranian hostage crisis.
In an interview with Charlie in Songfacts ,when asked what prompted him to write his flag-waving 1980 song "In America," Charlie responded:
"The Iranian Hostage Crisis. Our hostages over at the American Embassy in Tehran. It was a reawakening of patriotism. That was something that our enemies did that they had no idea what they were doing, because it galvanized America, the people, the Old John Doe out here, and John Q. … And all of the sudden here we were, we had people ready to go to arms or do whatever we needed to do to get the situation straightened out. America was just a flat-out piece of flag-waving patriotism. That's what I am. I'm a flag-waving patriot."
Here’s that tune:
Sorry, Charlie, but your song reminded me of, uh, toads waving flags.
But even I, your humble Wild Tater Substacker got caught up in the Iran crisis fervor a little bit back then.
After I read about a group of Iranian students in this country calling America "the Great Satan" I was irate because, at least in my developing mind, I assumed these kids actually loved a lot about our crazy culture here and probably would hate living under a hardline, authoritarian theocracy.
So I wrote a stupid little counter-protest song called "The Tehran Express, : in which I sang:
You guys are acting so holy, but here are the facts
You’re gonna miss Charlie’s Angels
You’re gonna miss our Big Macs
Allah has shut down your nightclubs
And your women are in veils
In if the boredom don’t kill you
You’ll probably end up in jail …
Poetic, huh?
Actually, I still feel that way about hardline, authoritarian theocracies of any stripe.
But even so, I never meant for the refrain of my thankfully brief little foray into jingoism to be taken literally — especially not the song’s refrain: "All aboard, all aboard move 'em out on the Tehran Express."
And I thank God I never recorded that idiotic song, which might have been revived by Kristi Noem for her current, ugly ICE-capades.
By the time I wrote "Republic of Toads" I’d jettisoned "The Tehran Express" from my stage repertoire.
Also ripped from the headlines of 1981 was the inspiration for the song’s chief toad villain, the Republic’s grand matriarch, the "evil Queen Lucy."
Back during the first year of the Reagan administration, long before her “Just Say No” period, First Lady Nancy Reagan constantly was in the news for her lavish lifestyle, such as spending more than $200,000 on fine china for the White House during a recession.
Around the same time, she inspired this 1982 reggae song by an American group called The Blue Riddim Band. KUNM used to play the hell out of it:
Some compared her with Marie Antoinette. But I saw a little Queen Lucy in her also.
A few years ago, after one of the darker events of that horrible year 2020, after this misguided teenage killer was made into a hero by MAGA World, I thought of the line "… every young toad was soon toting a gun":
To be sure, my "Republic of Toads" cosmology wasn’t fully formed.
For instance I’m still not sure who the lizards represent in this fable. I’m pretty sure they didn’t include Walter Mondale.
But the final words of the song perhaps did prove to be prophetic:
The toads they all scattered but they’re with us still
And their mighty republic they hope to rebuild
Or, as this delightful song says …
And I must wonder, is it mere coincidence that the far right a few years ago adopted an amphibious humanoid as a mascot?
How can these people be that bad if they embrace a lovable critter like Pepe the Frog?
Now, a word about the recording of "Republic of Toads":
Besides the dynamic vocal debut of my toddler daughter, another notable fact about "Toads" is that Tom played his banjo on the song. It wasn’t a bluegrass style, but for me, it conjured a vision of some cartoon toad plunking his banjo in some wacky swamp.
And then there’s one of my favorite parts of this song, Tom’s guitar solo inn the instrumental break, the one after the "Hundred year war with the lizards” verse.
I’m talking specifically about the second half of that break. Tom asked for suggestions on what kind of sound I was looking for and I suggested he crank up all the effects pedals he had.
So he did. And it sounded totally insane, like wobbly bubbles of sound arising from that toad-infested swamp.It’s only about nine seconds long, but I believe much more would have been overkill. As it is, this might just be the most perfect nine seconds on the entire of Pandemonium Jukebox.
If all the socio-political analysis of "Republic of Toads" seems a little too pretentious, take comfort in the fact that during the second “toads la la la” bridge, right before Tom’s guitar solos, you can hear us singing the words to a Perry Como hit — or, as we were thinking as we were recording it, an Oscar Mayer wieners jingle.
Dig it:
Oscar Mayer never paid us for that unsolicited plug. But at least Perry Como didn’t sue us.
Yes, the toads they all scattered.
But they’re with us still.
And sometimes it seems they’re regrouping.
Regrouping faster than anyone expected.
When are the hoards of lizards coming to save us?
Now enjoy my song:
Get your own copy of Picnic Time for Potatoheads & Best-Loved auSongs from Pandemonium Jukebox HERE
Credits:
Steve Terrell: lead vocals, acoustic rhythm guitar
Tom Dillon: electric guitar
Toad chorus: SWT, Tom, Molly Terrell, Laura Sauve
Years later, after my spouse Rosemary and I had our son Chris, I would stand by his crib with my guitar and play him this song. I'd like to think that it contributed in some small way to the fine musician and human being he became!